Leave, Cleave, & Weave

Genesis 2:24-25

"That is why a man will leave his father & mother and will be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man & his wife were both naked, but they weren’t ashamed of it."

For me, this is the cement, epoxy, or gorilla glue of a healthy marriage. In the Genesis 2 poem, the writer concludes by describing how beautiful the bond between two people can be. 

Shortly after we were married, the pastor of the church we were at in Louisville, Kentucky told us that when he counseled for marriage he would counsel based on this passage which if put in our words might read: leave, cleave, & weave together. This really resonated with me mainly because it made sense.

Obviously this passage can't be read literally because who would Adam & Eve left from? This is strong advice on finding a soulmate as well as blowing away the common misconceptions that have been placed on religious marriages throughout time. Let me tell what I mean and then over the next few weeks I will go over them individually.

Leave - Two people meet, find commonality, fall in love, & start a new life together with the hope of growing old together. The first challenge that can happen in a marriage is when the family (on both sides) tries to graft in this new couple. Most parents want the best for their children yet when they do not let their children start their own life together, it has the potential to hurt the new relationship. Metaphorically, it's like telling the bird to fly the coupe but there is a string attached to the bird's foot so it can only go so far & can still be controlled. Many times young couples are made to feel guilty if they don't attend holidays, special events, or past family commitments. Young couples are put in the middle of each set of parents that want to see them and carry on past family traditions (Thanksgiving & Christmas are where the struggle is most prevalent, "Who's house will we go to, your parents or mine?").

Cleave - This aspect of marriage is learning to live with one another. We all have our idiosyncrasies that we have to work out. This is where the marriage goes from romance to reality. This is dating & exploring & fighting & forgiving & supporting & encouraging & learning what love really is. Learning to cleave can either make or break a marriage. This is where the for better or worst part of the vows comes along. This is learning to navigate through different stages of marriage like pets, children, death of parents, job changes, daily schedules, etc. This is the time where a couple learns they aren't single anymore, now they have someone else to think about before they make a decision. Cleaving is where the journey really begins.

Weave - You know you're beginning to weave together when you can answer each others questions before they're asked. You weave together when you match clothing but not trying to (like same colors but dressed at different times not knowing what the other had on). You weave together when you care more for your spouse than you do yourself. You weave together when you come up with your own family traditions. You weave together when a cycle of love & respect takes the place of selfishness. You weave together each year that you are together & you look back and it's been over 20 years together. You weave when you both start to look alike (you know what I'm talking about here, it's the old couples that just look alike). If God has been a part of your marriage, the weaving together has been a chord of 3 strands that is stronger than you could ever have imagined. This is a life of deep love that can't be explained, only enjoyed.

So if you've ever heard that the man is the head of the house and is to rule over his wife, my advice is chunk that. The two become one is straight from the beginning of the scriptures & should be the goal in marriage. The goal is to lift one another up not lord over one another. This means that both people have strengths & weaknesses and to become one is to learn to depend on each other's strengths & help one other with weaknesses. 

May God help you to leave, cleave, & weave together as one.